I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
