I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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