oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
