The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
