You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
