How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
