she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
