Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
