True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i came on her dog
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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