I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
