you guys were way drunker than both of me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
