whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize