HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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