I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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