I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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