we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
