I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
