I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
