time to smoke my breakfast
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
