Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
