Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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