I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
did i walk over a car last night?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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