They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
