i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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