nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
