Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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