So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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