so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
