If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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