So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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