my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
