ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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