11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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