Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies