I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.