fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
