put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
