Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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