Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
