she looked like the before picture.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
