I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My pussy is not your playground.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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