Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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