There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
