I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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