if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
