apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
