You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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