A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
