i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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