Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
