I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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