Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
