he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
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AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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