I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
