i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
