I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
