I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
