Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
