Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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