Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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