he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
