You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
not ubering you a puppy
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
