I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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