I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
