can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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