Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Randomize
