Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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