I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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