Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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