Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's blow job season.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
