I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
