on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
