My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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