Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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