I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
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I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment