I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
