Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?