I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.