I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null