True but thats because hes a fetus.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us