she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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