Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
