Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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