it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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