he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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