He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
