Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
